Comedy Jokes

Birthday Jokes 37
What does a clam do on his birthday?
He shellabrates!

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Did you hear about the time Eddy’s sister tried to make a birthday cake? The candles melted in the oven.

Birthday Jokes 36

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip!
Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.
Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn’t you?
Fred: [...]

Birthday Jokes 35
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. - Jennifer Yane
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost

Birthday Jokes 34
You know you’re growing old when the heat from the candles on the birthday cake keeps you from getting close enough to blow them out.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, [...]

Birthday Jokes 33
My wife refuses to use Inter Flora for people’s birthdays. She says she doesn’t think people would like margarine as a present.
You know you’re growing old when by the time you’ve lit the last candle on the birthday cake, the first one has burned out.
Her husband leaned over and asked, “Well, dear, what [...]

Birthday Jokes 32
Do you think my skin is starting to show its age?”
“I can’t tell. There are too many wrinkles.”
When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.
My Husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color [...]

Birthday Jokes 31
For his birthday the monster asked for a heavy sweater.
So they gave him a sumo wrestler!
Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
He wanted to have a birthday potty!

Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!

Birthday Jokes 30

“Were any famous men born on your birthday?”
“No, only little babies.”
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What is the left side of a birthday cake?
The side that’s not eaten.

Birthday Jokes 29
If there are 23 people in a room, there’s a 50% chance that two of them will share a birthday (it’s been proven mathematically).
“Did you go shopping for my birthday present?”
Yeah, and I found the perfect thing.”
“What thing is that?”
“Nothing!”
Cat: “What did you get him for his birthday?”
Dog: “Pant . . . pant!”
Cat: [...]

Birthday Jokes 28
“My birthday’s coming”
Do you know what I need?”
“Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?”
A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a [...]

Birthday Jokes 27
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Mark.
Mark who?
Mark your calendars . . . my birthday’s just around the corner!

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “Just give me something with diamonds.”
That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.
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When I was a [...]

Birthday Jokes 26
Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
In a cat-alogue!
Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
It’s not about age, it’s about attitude.
It’s an awful thing to grow old alone. My wife hasn;t had a birthday in six years.

Birthday Jokes 25
“I’m giving a ’surprised’ birthday party for you.”
“A ’surprised’. birthday party? What’s that?”
“That’s where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I’ll be surprised!”
Q: What did the big candle say to the little candle?
A: “You’re too young to go out.
“I guess I didn’t get my birthday wish.”
“How [...]

Birthday Jokes 24
Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
A: In a cat-alogue!
“Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Next time, take off the candles.”
Grandma, is it exciting being 99?
It certainly is! If I wasn’t 99 I’d be dead.

Birthday Jokes 23
Q: Why couldn’t prehistoric man send birthday cards?
A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks!
Q: Why couldn’t prehistoric man send birthday cards?
A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks!
Q: What did one candle say to the other?
A: “Don’t birthdays burn you up?”

Birthday Jokes 22
Q: What did one candle say to the other?
A: “Don’t birthdays burn you up?”
Q: What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!
Q. Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
A. Because it was feeling crumby!

Birthday Jokes 21
Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
A: “Hi, Buster.”
Q: Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
A: He wanted to have a birthday potty!
Q:When is your birthday?
A:15th march.
Q:What year?
A:Every year!

Birthday Jokes 20
Q: What’s the best way to find out an elephant’s age?
A: Check his driver’s license.
Q: How can you tell that you’re getting old?
A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?
A: “Happy Birthday To Gnu!”

Birthday Jokes 19
Q: What do you say to a cow on her birthday?
A: Happy Birthday to Moo!
Q: Why won’t anyone eat the dogs birthday cake?
A: Because he always slobbers out the candles!

Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
A: When it’s been sliced.

Birthday Jokes 18
Q: Did you hear about the flag’s birthday?
A: It was a flappy one!
Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
A: Because it was marble cake!
Q: What do you say to a cat on her birthday?
A: Happy birthday to mew!