Comedy Jokes

Birthday Jokes 37

admin — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 09:07:22 +0000

Birthday Jokes 37

What does a clam do on his birthday?
He shellabrates!

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Did you hear about the time Eddy’s sister tried to make a birthday cake? The candles melted in the oven.

Birthday Jokes 36

admin — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 09:06:12 +0000

Birthday Jokes 36

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip!

Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.
Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn’t you?
Fred: I couldn’t find one big enough for your nose.

Birthday Jokes 35

admin — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 09:05:12 +0000

Birthday Jokes 35

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. - Jennifer Yane

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost

Birthday Jokes 34

admin — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 09:03:58 +0000

Birthday Jokes 34

You know you’re growing old when the heat from the candles on the birthday cake keeps you from getting close enough to blow them out.

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she’s going to exchange it for.

Birthday Jokes 33

admin — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 09:03:10 +0000

Birthday Jokes 33

My wife refuses to use Inter Flora for people’s birthdays. She says she doesn’t think people would like margarine as a present.

You know you’re growing old when by the time you’ve lit the last candle on the birthday cake, the first one has burned out.

Her husband leaned over and asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?” One eye opened and she groaned, “Actually, honey, I meant dress size!”

Birthday Jokes 32

admin — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 08:57:57 +0000

Birthday Jokes 32

Do you think my skin is starting to show its age?”
“I can’t tell. There are too many wrinkles.”

When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.

My Husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color of his eyes - but where can you find a bloodshot tie?

Birthday Jokes 31

admin — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 08:55:46 +0000

Birthday Jokes 31

For his birthday the monster asked for a heavy sweater.
So they gave him a sumo wrestler!

Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
He wanted to have a birthday potty!

Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!

Birthday Jokes 30

admin — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 08:53:53 +0000

Birthday Jokes 30

“Were any famous men born on your birthday?”
“No, only little babies.”

Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!

What is the left side of a birthday cake?
The side that’s not eaten.

Birthday Jokes 29

admin — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 08:50:43 +0000

Birthday Jokes 29

If there are 23 people in a room, there’s a 50% chance that two of them will share a birthday (it’s been proven mathematically).

“Did you go shopping for my birthday present?”
Yeah, and I found the perfect thing.”
“What thing is that?”
“Nothing!”

Cat: “What did you get him for his birthday?”
Dog: “Pant . . . pant!”
Cat: “Great . . . he needs a pair of pants!”

Birthday Jokes 28

admin — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 08:47:53 +0000

Birthday Jokes 28

“My birthday’s coming”
Do you know what I need?”
“Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?”

A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then the were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

I think it’s wonderful that you could all be here for the forty-third anniversary of my thirty-ninth birthday. We decided not to light the candles thir year - we were afraid Pan Am woudl mistake it for a runway.