Archive for the ‘Holiday’ Category
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Three men go on holiday abroad together
Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option, [...]
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Twas the Month after Chanukah
Twas the month after Chanukah, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibble, the latkas I’d taste
At Chanukah parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous [...] -
Twas the Night After Christmas
Twas the Night After Christmas
‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy.
Christmas Present
The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas [...] -
Santa Hates Your Kid
Santa Hates Your Kid
8. Kid’s letter to north pole comes back stamped, “Dream on, Chester!” Snowman
7. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes
6. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling.
5. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing.
4. Christmas day, your kid [...] -
The twelve days after Christmas
The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burnt it, just for spite
Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted partridge
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.
The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently [...] -
Cinderella Wishes
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: ‘Fairy Godmother, what are you doing [...] -
the other side
the other side
A brunette is trying to get across a river and suddenly she spots a blonde on the other side. She yells over to the blonde “Hey, excuse me! How do I get over to the other side?” And after a quick survey of the river, the blonde calls back “You ARE on the [...]
