Archive for the ‘Retirement Jokes’ Category
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Semi Retirement Joke
How to Spend Semi-Retirement
Now I’m in semi-retirement and growing older, I thought that I might rationalise my days and present my findings in a simple pie chart. This is what my day looks like pictorially:
Semi Retirement Joke
Footnote:
Please write to Will and Guy if you have any funny retirement jokes or stories from leaving speeches. -
Some People Never Retire
Some People Never Retire
* Golfers never retire, they just lose their drive
* Lumberjacks never retire, they just pine away
* Accountants don’t retire, they just lose their balance
* Bank managers don’t retire, they just lose interest
* [...] -
Retire from Golf
Retire from Golf
‘How was your game, dear?’ Jacqui asked her husband, Tony, after he had returned from playing golf.
‘Well, I was hitting the ball pretty well, but my eyesight’s got so bad I couldn’t see where it went,’ Tony answered.
‘That’s not surprising,’ Jacqui replied. ‘After all, you are 76 years old, Tony. Why don’t you [...] -
Retirement Question
Retirement Question
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: Six Saturdays, One Sunday
Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. -
Retirement Speech Jokes
Retirement Speech Jokes
1. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
2. She got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
3. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
4. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. This man has delusions of adequacy.
6. Some [...] -
Classic Retirement Syndrome
Classic Retirement Syndrome
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests itself:
I decide to water my garden. retirement jokes and signs
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward [...] -
retirement jokes
retirement jokes
* The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income. George Foreman
* There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job. Peter F. Drucker
* I have never liked working. To me a job [...] -
Retirement one-liners to work into your leaving speech
Retirement one-liners to work into your leaving speech
1. Active socially: Drinks heavily.
2. Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.
3. Excels in the effective application of skills: Makes a good cup of coffee.
4. Internationally known: Likes to go to conferences and [...] -
Funny Retirement
Funny Retirement
‘The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.’ Anonymous
He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which. Douglas Adams
‘I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it [...] -
Favourite Retirement
Favourite Retirement
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.
Wife: ‘What are you doing dear?’
Husband: ‘Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females’
Wife: ‘How do you know which gender they were?’
Husband: ‘Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on [...] -
A retired gentleman
A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line for quite a long time, he arrived at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. The man looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. “Will I have [...]
