Archive for the ‘Work’ Category
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A Letter from Men to Women
A Letter from Men to Women
To all women,
On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:
* The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.
* Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.
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MEMO FROM ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT
Memo From Accounting Department
It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of “Miscellaneous [...]
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How accountants do it..
How accountants do it..
Accountants do it by the book.
Accountants do it within budget.
Accountants do it to the bottom line.
Accountants do it with double entries.
Accountants do it between spreadsheets.
Accountants are Certified to do it in Public.
Accountants do it without losing their balance. -
Pick-Up Lines to use on Accounting Chicks
Pick-Up Lines to use on Accounting Chicks
You’ve got a lovely pair of W-2’s.
Please, baby, let me withhold you.
Nice assets.
Lady, you make my pants file for an extension.
In my office, I.R.S. stands for I’m Really Sexy.
Let’s fill out a 1040 - you are a 10 and I’m a 40.
If I help you screw Uncle Sam, [...] -
A young accountant spends a week at his new office
A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with [...]
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A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one evening which read: “Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary.” When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter [...] -
If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep
If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep what does she say?
“Darling, could you tell me about your work.” -
Why accountants don’t read novels
Why accountants don’t read novels ?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers. -
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?”
“That’s the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.” -
Two accountants are in a bank
Two accountants are in a bank when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s [...]
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An accountant visited the Natural History museum
An accountant visited the Natural History museum.
While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: “This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old”……
“Where did you get this exact information?”
“I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old…..”
