Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What’s the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.