-
BRIDGING THE GAP
BRIDGING THE GAP
The Polish government was tired of being the brunt of so many jokes about their stupidity so they decided to start a building project to prove that they weren’t as dumb as the rest of the world made them out to be.
“Gentlemen,” said the Minister [...] -
Funny Retirement
Funny Retirement
‘The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.’ Anonymous
He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which. Douglas Adams
‘I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it [...] -
ACCIDENT
ACCIDENT
Did you hear about the terrible automobile accident last night? A Polish family on vacation lost all of their children. The pickup truck they were riding in ran off the road into a lake and sank to the bottom. The parents got out of the cab OK but all the kids [...] -
A retired gentleman
A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line for quite a long time, he arrived at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. The man looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. “Will I have [...]
-
More Short Birthday Jokes
More Short Birthday Jokes
“Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Next time, take off the candles.”
A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she’s going to exchange it for.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
The [...] -
Short Birthday Jokes
Short Birthday Jokes
Q: What do you give nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!
Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?
A: “Happy Birthday To Gnu!”
“Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Next time, take off the candles.”
Q: Did you hear about [...] -
Short Teacher Jokes 1
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!
Mother: How do you like your new teacher?
Son: I don’t. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn’t give me one!
Son: I [...] -
Little Johnny’s father
Little Johnny’s father asked him, “Do you know about the birds and the bees?”
“I don’t want to know!” little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.
“Oh dad,” Little Johnny sobbed, “At age six I got the ‘there’s no Santa’ speech. At age seven I got the ‘there’s no [...] -
Little Johnny Fun With Elements
Little Johnny Fun With Elements
In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, “Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?”
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, “I would [...] -
Dirty Christmas Poem
Dirty Christmas Poem
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom [...] -
The Black Sheep
The Black Sheep
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe’s chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, “Look here! [...] -
Parachute Trouble
Parachute Trouble
A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He [...] -
Don’t Fart in Bed
Don’t Fart in Bed
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she [...] -
Towel Drop
Towel Drop
A beautiful young woman gets out of the shower, wraps a towel around her and tells her husband that he can get in the shower. As he enters the shower, the doorbell rings.
The wife says she’ll get the door and goes downstairs.
When she opens the door, she sees her neighbour, Bill, whose mouth opens [...] -
Norse Gods Orgy
In ancient times the great Norse gods were engaged in a protracted orgy. It had gone on for several days.
Finally, all were completely sated.
The first to rouse from his slumber was the Great Norse God Thor. He stood, reached down, picked up his wrap and placed it around his waist.
He looked around the Great Hall, [...] -
Like A Statue
A woman was in bed with her lover, Steve, when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Hurry!” she said. “Stand in the corner.”
She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.
“Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this honey?” the [...] -
The many uses of vasoline
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price. The motorcycle is missing a seal, though, so whenever it rains Steve has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Steve’s girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents one evening. He drives his [...] -
A little Boy visits a whore house
A little boy about 10 years old was walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a whore house and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want [...]
-
Dead Baby Jokes 13
What’s the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
I don’t have a Cadillac in my garage.
What’s the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.
What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
What’s the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You [...] -
Dead Baby Jokes 8
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!
Why do you put a baby in the blender feet first ?
To see the expression on it face!
How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
4 1/2.
What’s red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that’s been playing with a chainsaw.
What is [...]
Highest Rated Jokes
- Talking Parrots
(5 out of 5) - Poor guy (5 out of 5)
- That is Love ! (5 out of 5)
- Naughty Christmas Card (5 out of 5)
- who created the universe (5 out of 5)
- Little Johnny in the back (5 out of 5)
- I am so miser (5 out of 5)
- How d0 i (5 out of 5)
- Once Laloo (5 out of 5)
- Teacher Jokes - 1 (5 out of 5)
- Talking Parrots
-
link
