• Merry Christmas law

    Thursday, January 29th, 2009

    Merry Christmas law
    Merry Christmas in Legal Terms
    Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious [...]

  • The last day working

    Sunday, January 4th, 2009

    The last day working
    “You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……”
    You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox.
    A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly [...]

  • Dirty Christmas Poem

    Tuesday, December 16th, 2008

    Dirty Christmas Poem
    ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
    The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
    The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
    It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
    Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom [...]

  • The Tatoo

    Tuesday, December 16th, 2008

    The Tatoo
    A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey.
    So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then [...]

  • Military Christmas

    Tuesday, December 9th, 2008

    Military Christmas
    ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies,
    Air defenses were up, with electronic eyes.
    Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds,
    As enemy silhouettes danced in their heads.
    Every jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube,
    Was triply-redundant, linked to the Blue Cube,
    And ELINT and AWACS gave coverage so dense
    That nothing that flew could [...]

  • Day After Christmas

    Monday, December 8th, 2008

    Day After Christmas
    The pastor was looking over the crèche the day after Christmas when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing. He went outside and saw a little boy pulling a new red wagon. In the wagon was Jesus.
    We walked up to the boy and said, “Hi, there. Where did you get the baby [...]

  • A man walks into a bar

    Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

    A man walks into a bar, late one night completely knackered and dripping with sweat and orders 5 whiskies.
    “What’s wrong with you?” The barman says.
    “In my car I’ve got a nymphomaniac - you couldn’t satisfy her if you were there ’til Christmas,” he replies.
    “We’ll see about that,” says the barman and goes out to the [...]

  • I think Santa Claus is a woman

    Sunday, October 5th, 2008

    I think Santa Claus is a woman
    I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she.
    Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
    For starters, the vast majority of men [...]

  • ways to confuse Santa Claus

    Sunday, October 5th, 2008

    ways to confuse Santa Claus
    1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
    2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
    3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for [...]

  • Twas the Night After Christmas

    Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

    Twas the Night After Christmas
    ‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy.
    Christmas Present
    The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas [...]

  • Santa Hates Your Kid

    Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

    Santa Hates Your Kid
    8. Kid’s letter to north pole comes back stamped, “Dream on, Chester!” Snowman
    7. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes
    6. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling.
    5. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing.
    4. Christmas day, your kid [...]

  • The twelve days after Christmas

    Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

    The first day after Christmas
    My true love and I had a fight
    And so I chopped the pear tree down
    And burnt it, just for spite
    Then with a single cartridge
    I shot that blasted partridge
    My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.
    The second day after Christmas
    I pulled on the old rubber gloves
    And very gently [...]