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Where do you think lawyers come from
Where do you think lawyers come from?
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn’t sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, “Do you enjoy it?” She said that she did. He asked, “Does it hurt [...] -
Favourite Retirement
Favourite Retirement
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.
Wife: ‘What are you doing dear?’
Husband: ‘Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females’
Wife: ‘How do you know which gender they were?’
Husband: ‘Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on [...] -
Like A Statue
A woman was in bed with her lover, Steve, when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Hurry!” she said. “Stand in the corner.”
She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.
“Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this honey?” the [...] -
Dress of Love
An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.
The mother asks the daughter, What are you doing naked?”
The daughter responds, This is the dress of love.”
When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband.
When her husband arrives, he asks her, What are you [...] -
Marriage is not a word
Marriage is a rest period between romances.
I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
Don’t marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper.
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
May [...] -
The bride upon her engagemen
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, “I’ve found a man just like father!” Her mother replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”
A lady inserted an “ad” in the classifieds: “Husband wanted”. Next day she received hundreds of letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
Marriage [...] -
The honeymoon is over
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he’ll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
A husband said to his wife, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.”
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how [...] -
wedding ring
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.
There are two times a man does’nt understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!
A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man!
A woman worries about the future until [...] -
Regular Sex
Regular Sex
A young couple were married and they were having sex all the time during their honeymoon.
When the honeymoon was over they had to adjust their sex schedule to their work schedule. So every day the husband would get home at 5 o’clock, and every day they would go to bed at 5:15.
This went on [...] -
A way to save your marriage
A way to save your marriage
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.
The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, “If you wish to save your marriage, you’d better be a little boulder.” -
one liner jokes 4
What’s the difference between a paint mixer and a British au pair?
No one leaves children in the care of a paint mixer
What’s the difference between Princess Di and Tiger Woods?
Tiger Woods has a reliable driver
What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Ford?
Diana wouldn’t be seen dead in a Ford
What were Princess Di’s last words?
“Is [...] -
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, “Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?” The wife replies, “Cut it off and shove it up his arse!” The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the [...]
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That is Love !
That is Love !
An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the [...] -
I think Santa Claus is a woman
I think Santa Claus is a woman
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men [...] -
A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one evening which read: “Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary.” When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter [...]
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