Birthday Jokes 36

Sunday, April 5th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 36

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip!
Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.
Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn’t you?
Fred: [...]

Birthday Jokes 35

Saturday, April 4th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 35
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. - Jennifer Yane
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost

Birthday Jokes 30

Monday, March 30th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 30

“Were any famous men born on your birthday?”
“No, only little babies.”
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What is the left side of a birthday cake?
The side that’s not eaten.

Birthday Jokes 28

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 28
“My birthday’s coming”
Do you know what I need?”
“Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?”
A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a [...]

Birthday Jokes 26

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 26
Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
In a cat-alogue!
Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
It’s not about age, it’s about attitude.
It’s an awful thing to grow old alone. My wife hasn;t had a birthday in six years.

Birthday Jokes 24

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 24
Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
A: In a cat-alogue!
“Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Next time, take off the candles.”
Grandma, is it exciting being 99?
It certainly is! If I wasn’t 99 I’d be dead.

Birthday Jokes 22

Sunday, March 22nd, 2009

Birthday Jokes 22
Q: What did one candle say to the other?
A: “Don’t birthdays burn you up?”
Q: What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!
Q. Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
A. Because it was feeling crumby!

Birthday Jokes 21

Saturday, March 21st, 2009

Birthday Jokes 21
Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
A: “Hi, Buster.”
Q: Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
A: He wanted to have a birthday potty!
Q:When is your birthday?
A:15th march.
Q:What year?
A:Every year!

Birthday Jokes 19

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 19
Q: What do you say to a cow on her birthday?
A: Happy Birthday to Moo!
Q: Why won’t anyone eat the dogs birthday cake?
A: Because he always slobbers out the candles!

Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
A: When it’s been sliced.

Birthday Jokes 17

Tuesday, March 17th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 17
Q: What does a clam do on his birthday?
A: He shellabrates!
Q: What’s the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?
A: The candle is a thousand times brighter!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Jimmy.
Jimmy who?
Jimmy some ice cream and cake! I’m starving!

Birthday Jokes 16

Monday, March 16th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 16
Q: What goes up and never comes down?
A: Your age!
Q: How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?
A: He has a whale of a party!
Q: What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
A: Angel food cake, of course!

Birthday Jokes 14

Saturday, March 14th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 14
Q: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
A: A birthday pheasant!
Q: What does a basketball player do before he blows out his candles?
A: He makes a swish!
Q: Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
A: Because people kept toasting him!

Birthday Jokes 13

Friday, March 13th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 13
Q. What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
A. Angel food cake!
Q: Did you hear about the dancer’s birthday?
A: It was a tappy one!
Q: What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
A: Shortcake!

Birthday Jokes 12

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 12
Q: Did you hear about the tree’s birthday?
A: It was a sappy one!
Q: What do you give 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!
Q. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
A. Thanks. I’ll never part with it!

Birthday Jokes 8

Sunday, March 8th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 8
Q: What do you always get on your birthday?
A: Another year older!
Q: What does the hungry monster get after he’s eaten too much ice cream?
A: More ice cream!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Ben over and get your birthday bumps!

Birthday Jokes 7

Saturday, March 7th, 2009

Birthday Jokes 7
Q: Why did you buy me a pair of bunny ears?
A: I wanted you to have a hoppy birthday!

Q: Why did the fat monster put a candle on his tummy?
A: He was celebrating his birthday!
Knock-knock!
Who’s there?
Abby!
Abby who?
Abby Birthday to you!

POLISH POPE

Sunday, January 18th, 2009

POLISH POPE
A traveling salesman has an audience with the Pope and, not quite knowing what to say tries to break the ice with a joke… “Have you heard the one about the two Polish priests, Holy Father?”
“But I am Polish, my son.”
[...]

Evaluation comments

Friday, December 26th, 2008

Evaluation comments
Dictionary of Evaluation Comments
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED [...]

Retirement Speech Jokes

Wednesday, December 24th, 2008

Retirement Speech Jokes
1. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
2. She got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
3. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
4. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. This man has delusions of adequacy.
6. Some [...]

BRIDGING THE GAP

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008

BRIDGING THE GAP

The Polish government was tired of being the brunt of so many jokes about their stupidity so they decided to start a building project to prove that they weren’t as dumb as the rest of the world made them out to be.
“Gentlemen,” said the Minister [...]