-
USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK
USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.
Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point [...] -
Pay for your past bills
Pay for your past bills
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.”
The [...] -
The last day working
The last day working
“You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……”
You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox.
A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly [...] -
Thoughts from work
Thoughts from work
Thoughts and stories from on the job
My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, “Is this what you get paid for ?” I told him, “Nope ! I do this for free.”
This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. [...] -
MURPHY’S LAWS ON WORK
MURPHY’S LAWS ON WORK
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry [...] -
Company buzz words
Company buzz words
New Corporate Buzz Words for the 90’s
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, [...] -
Consultation fees
Consultation fees
A lawyer’s dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The [...] -
Have a life after death
Have a life after death
“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.
“Yes, Sir.” the new recruit replied.
“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you -
Have incredible dogs
Have incredible dogs
Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named “T-Square”, and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant [...] -
The office happenings
The office happenings
Quote from a recent meeting: “We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done”.
Quote from the Boss… “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.”
A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until [...] -
An office manager
-
a new office
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come in to the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot [...]
-
How Rumour Start In Office
How Rumour Start In Office
Highest Rated Jokes
- Talking Parrots
(5 out of 5) - who created the universe (5 out of 5)
- Poor guy (5 out of 5)
- That is Love ! (5 out of 5)
- Little Johnny in the back (5 out of 5)
- Once Laloo (5 out of 5)
- Teacher Jokes - 1 (5 out of 5)
- Blind man (5 out of 5)
- Pick-Up Lines to use on Accounting Chicks (5 out of 5)
- I am so miser (5 out of 5)
- Talking Parrots
-
link
